I know we might be disappointed with some of the outcomes from tonights election however, this does not mean we should give up. Tonight I went to a performance From Kings to Thugs to President sponsored by BSU. This program was incredible!!! It was incredibly moving and hit home for me in so many ways.
Here are some of my thoughts on the final message.
1. Leave a legacy
2. You were meant to be "here" (wherever that is for you.)
3. I have a responsibility to do the hard work and work towards change
4. Work together
5. Create a message that can be heard by everyone
I am a survivor. I rarely talk about this but it is part of my history and my experience has made me who I am today. As a survivor it is my job to keep reaching out and helping others. I heard that tonight in the performance. I have learned so much on my journey and although there were times I did not think I would make it I did!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Marching for our Pride and Dignity - Oktoberfest 2010
When Rosanne, the Director of the LGBT Resource Center in La Crosse sent out the request for people to march in the Oktoberfest Parade I was apprehensive. I thought why would any LGBTQ person want to march in front of all those drunk people? Let alone our safety! So I thought about it for awhile and then I asked Rosanne if she was worried at all? She said, Yes I am concerned, however it is time. She was right! LGBTQ people deserve the right to march in the Oktoberfest!
So I told her I would be there. On Saturday morning (9/25/2010) I put on my Gay? Fine by Me t-shirt and met up with the Center folks by the North side Subway. It was a small group at first maybe 6 people and a local celebrity Drag King Lyle Love's It! As it got closer to the parade start more people joined us. Many of the people present were young GALAXY youth. Some were Center volunteers, a couple of Board members and a handful of other adults. We got ready getting our tasks assigned. I was to give out candy (I am sure Rosanne regretted that request since I was finished with both my bags before we ever got to Festival Foods!) Several people were going to help carry the large rainbow flag. One of the youth was on Rollerblades and was carrying two flags on a stick. One flag was a rainbow flag and the other was a rainbow flag with the stars from the USA flag on it.
As time got closer we were getting lined up and someone came over to Rosanne and told her that some guys from the Riverfest Float were yelling at the youth to stop disrespecting the US flag. At that point we looked over at the youth and one of the Riverfest men was marching over to the youth. The man immediately began yelling "stating that we were not going to march with that flag!" He grabbed the stick from her hands and began yanking on it. He continued to yell. Rosanne ran over and said she was a 14 year old child and that there were other children present please stop. He did not care. At that point I ran over to intervene and asked "Do you want us to get the police involved?" He said "Yes!" So I ran towards the corner where 3 La Crosse police were managing traffic. An officer got out of his vehicle and walked towards us. I was telling him how the Riverfest man was grabbing the flag and yelling at one of our children. At that time the Riverfest man started to go back to his float. As he walked away he yelled either we are shit or pieces of shit. He also yelled "You should go to a country where they will hang you!"
I walked back to our float and my body was shaking and my heart was racing. I was afraid, angry and wanted to scream. The other youth and center members were also upset. I saw a couple of the youth giving the Riverfest people the finger. I told them "Stop! That is exactly what they want us to do! We are better than that. Let's not stoop to that level" I was afraid he might of hurt Rosanne or the youth. I also worried about the other youth and center members that maybe one of the group would lunge back. I saw some of the faces of the Riverfest people who were embarrassed and disgusted. However, not one of them ran over to remove their peer from the situation. That is very disappointing. That the police officer saw that he was in our parade space and despite us telling him what he did and said he asked Rosanne "What do you want me to do?"
I don't know for sure but it seemed that this incident began because he did not like our flag. It was not the US flag it was a pride flag that had the stars on it. It is ok for him to disagree with our use of the flag. It is not ok that man representing the city of La Crosse's Riverfest event come over and get into a pushing and pulling match with a 14 year old youth. When he yelled that we should go to a country that will hang us he made this into an anti-LGBTQ incident filled with hate. That youth spent time crying and the group spent time worrying what will the rest of the parade entail. It was stated several times that this was why we needed to walk in the parade.
As the parade began we all moved forward unknowing what we would find. I know I heard a few negative remarks, but for the most part we found love, compassion and support. Many of us had friends and family in the crowds yelling and cheering. I saw many LGBTQ people waving! I saw ally's waving and cheering! I saw students waving and cheering. Despite the ignorance of a few I hoped if anything some conversations might have occurred or some ally's maybe spoke up.
I will walk again next year and I hope many of you will join us. I also hope that many of you will join the Center on October 16th for the 3rd Annual Silent Rally for Equality in honor of National Coming Out Day (10/11.) We will gather at 11:30 at Cameron Park (5th and King streets.) Bring signs, flags and friends. At noon we walk to the Cass Street bridge and span it with our members. We stand on the bridge with our signs and flags showing the people that we are united and that we support LGBTIQQAA people and we will not tolerate ignorance and hate in our community. Rosanne hopes to see 200 people this year, but secretly I hope there is 300 people! I hope people from all parts of this community come forward.
Tomorrow I go back to work and I can't help but think about Rosanne's concerns. When we filled out the police reports she shared her concern that there will repercussions to the LGBTQ community if we do this. She is right there might be. He is a prominent La Crosse person, a Riverfest Commodore, etc... We are a community that people still think are sick, immoral and criminals. I must admit I am nervous about the whole thing. However, it is wrong for a man to attack a child and to threaten a community the way that he did. I also know that we have many many allys in this community and if we are further attacked I believe good will prevail and that people will come forward and support us.
I never really liked Oktoberfest and I can't say my feelings have changed, but I will walk again next year! I hope Rosanne either gives me a different job or buys more candy!
So I told her I would be there. On Saturday morning (9/25/2010) I put on my Gay? Fine by Me t-shirt and met up with the Center folks by the North side Subway. It was a small group at first maybe 6 people and a local celebrity Drag King Lyle Love's It! As it got closer to the parade start more people joined us. Many of the people present were young GALAXY youth. Some were Center volunteers, a couple of Board members and a handful of other adults. We got ready getting our tasks assigned. I was to give out candy (I am sure Rosanne regretted that request since I was finished with both my bags before we ever got to Festival Foods!) Several people were going to help carry the large rainbow flag. One of the youth was on Rollerblades and was carrying two flags on a stick. One flag was a rainbow flag and the other was a rainbow flag with the stars from the USA flag on it.
As time got closer we were getting lined up and someone came over to Rosanne and told her that some guys from the Riverfest Float were yelling at the youth to stop disrespecting the US flag. At that point we looked over at the youth and one of the Riverfest men was marching over to the youth. The man immediately began yelling "stating that we were not going to march with that flag!" He grabbed the stick from her hands and began yanking on it. He continued to yell. Rosanne ran over and said she was a 14 year old child and that there were other children present please stop. He did not care. At that point I ran over to intervene and asked "Do you want us to get the police involved?" He said "Yes!" So I ran towards the corner where 3 La Crosse police were managing traffic. An officer got out of his vehicle and walked towards us. I was telling him how the Riverfest man was grabbing the flag and yelling at one of our children. At that time the Riverfest man started to go back to his float. As he walked away he yelled either we are shit or pieces of shit. He also yelled "You should go to a country where they will hang you!"
I walked back to our float and my body was shaking and my heart was racing. I was afraid, angry and wanted to scream. The other youth and center members were also upset. I saw a couple of the youth giving the Riverfest people the finger. I told them "Stop! That is exactly what they want us to do! We are better than that. Let's not stoop to that level" I was afraid he might of hurt Rosanne or the youth. I also worried about the other youth and center members that maybe one of the group would lunge back. I saw some of the faces of the Riverfest people who were embarrassed and disgusted. However, not one of them ran over to remove their peer from the situation. That is very disappointing. That the police officer saw that he was in our parade space and despite us telling him what he did and said he asked Rosanne "What do you want me to do?"
I don't know for sure but it seemed that this incident began because he did not like our flag. It was not the US flag it was a pride flag that had the stars on it. It is ok for him to disagree with our use of the flag. It is not ok that man representing the city of La Crosse's Riverfest event come over and get into a pushing and pulling match with a 14 year old youth. When he yelled that we should go to a country that will hang us he made this into an anti-LGBTQ incident filled with hate. That youth spent time crying and the group spent time worrying what will the rest of the parade entail. It was stated several times that this was why we needed to walk in the parade.
As the parade began we all moved forward unknowing what we would find. I know I heard a few negative remarks, but for the most part we found love, compassion and support. Many of us had friends and family in the crowds yelling and cheering. I saw many LGBTQ people waving! I saw ally's waving and cheering! I saw students waving and cheering. Despite the ignorance of a few I hoped if anything some conversations might have occurred or some ally's maybe spoke up.
I will walk again next year and I hope many of you will join us. I also hope that many of you will join the Center on October 16th for the 3rd Annual Silent Rally for Equality in honor of National Coming Out Day (10/11.) We will gather at 11:30 at Cameron Park (5th and King streets.) Bring signs, flags and friends. At noon we walk to the Cass Street bridge and span it with our members. We stand on the bridge with our signs and flags showing the people that we are united and that we support LGBTIQQAA people and we will not tolerate ignorance and hate in our community. Rosanne hopes to see 200 people this year, but secretly I hope there is 300 people! I hope people from all parts of this community come forward.
Tomorrow I go back to work and I can't help but think about Rosanne's concerns. When we filled out the police reports she shared her concern that there will repercussions to the LGBTQ community if we do this. She is right there might be. He is a prominent La Crosse person, a Riverfest Commodore, etc... We are a community that people still think are sick, immoral and criminals. I must admit I am nervous about the whole thing. However, it is wrong for a man to attack a child and to threaten a community the way that he did. I also know that we have many many allys in this community and if we are further attacked I believe good will prevail and that people will come forward and support us.
I never really liked Oktoberfest and I can't say my feelings have changed, but I will walk again next year! I hope Rosanne either gives me a different job or buys more candy!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Something I wrote in 2005
From Where I Sit
I am a very open person, yet most of my colleagues do not know who the real me is. I am academic staff and I work with LGBTIAQQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Intersex, Allies, Queer and Questioning) students as well as students with LGBTQ parents. This is half of my job although it could be full time. I love my job and I love working on queer issues. This is my passion. I am an advocate, a mover and a shaker, and I am “momma” to all my students.
What most people on my campus do not know is that I am dealing with my own gender identity issues. It is no secret that my gender expression is masculine. I wear shirts and ties almost every day. When I am in a shirt and tie I feel real, I feel sure of myself, and I feel whole. Most people assume or ignore who I am. What they do not know is that I am transgender/gender queer. I wear shirts and ties because I feel more masculine then feminine and the only way I feel comfortable in my own skin is by expressing my gender as male.
I am lucky to work in an environment that allows me to be my true self. That is not to say that I do not get odd looks, or that people do not whisper behind my back. They do, but I have made many allies on campus through my work and through my honest expression of who I am. Recently, the University Of Wisconsin Board Of Regents unanimously passed a resolution to add gender identity and expression to the system’s non-discrimination policy. I am protected here. I am free to explore my gender identity. I am lucky.
Katie Van Roosenbeek, Pride Center Director
University of Wisconsin-La Crosse
I am a very open person, yet most of my colleagues do not know who the real me is. I am academic staff and I work with LGBTIAQQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Intersex, Allies, Queer and Questioning) students as well as students with LGBTQ parents. This is half of my job although it could be full time. I love my job and I love working on queer issues. This is my passion. I am an advocate, a mover and a shaker, and I am “momma” to all my students.
What most people on my campus do not know is that I am dealing with my own gender identity issues. It is no secret that my gender expression is masculine. I wear shirts and ties almost every day. When I am in a shirt and tie I feel real, I feel sure of myself, and I feel whole. Most people assume or ignore who I am. What they do not know is that I am transgender/gender queer. I wear shirts and ties because I feel more masculine then feminine and the only way I feel comfortable in my own skin is by expressing my gender as male.
I am lucky to work in an environment that allows me to be my true self. That is not to say that I do not get odd looks, or that people do not whisper behind my back. They do, but I have made many allies on campus through my work and through my honest expression of who I am. Recently, the University Of Wisconsin Board Of Regents unanimously passed a resolution to add gender identity and expression to the system’s non-discrimination policy. I am protected here. I am free to explore my gender identity. I am lucky.
Katie Van Roosenbeek, Pride Center Director
University of Wisconsin-La Crosse
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Surgery and changing my gender marker! Part 1
So I was born and raised and currently live in the state of Wisconsin and you can legally change your gender marker on your birth certificate in this state. To do this you must fill out a form and pay money for copies of the document and have surgery.
Early on in my process I inquired about the process and had many questions. So I called the person at the state and inquired for more information. He informed me that I needed to complete the form and have surgery. I asked "What kind of surgery?" He answered "The surgery." Of course I asked a follow up question. "What kind of surgery? There are many surgeries a person can have that is transgender. Which one are you referring to?" He sounded frustrated with me and answered again a bit louder "THE surgery! Do you want the form mailed to you or not?" "No, I was just wondering about it."
Well in 2009 I had found a surgeon and a credit account I could use for surgery and decided to have chest surgery. I set my date for the end of December. I work at a University and it would be a great time to be off and healing. So in December I called the person at the state again and asked to have the forms mailed. I filled them out as soon as they arrived. When I met my surgeon one of the questions I asked if he would write a letter for me to support my gender marker change. Dr. B. was happy to do this and would like me to write a sample letter to make sure it gets everything I need in it.
So during that last week of December I had the surgery. If you have small breasts the surgery is less invasive. That surgery is referred as the "Keyhole." They make small openings to take the breast tissue out.
Since I was "blessed" with larger breasts I had to have the double incision bilateral mastectomy. Which for me meant two large cuts under my breast, a cut up the middle to the nipple (so that he could make the areola smaller.) They take out all the breast tissue and some fatty tissue and fix areola, pull your chest up so that it looks more like that of a male (accurate placement.) Sometimes to work on the areola they most take your nipples off and graph them back on. My surgeon did not do that instead he used a different method.
All of that is a day surgery procedure! You leave with bandages and wraps on your chest and drainage tubes on both sides. The tubes are rather gross, but necessary for healing. I remember one instance when we were discussing if we should take the last tube out since the output was so minimal but still significant. He said "We could take it out and if you retain fluid we would have to put the tube back in. It is easier to leave it in vs. putting the tube back in." I thought about that for a second and said let's leave it in!!!!
Early on in my process I inquired about the process and had many questions. So I called the person at the state and inquired for more information. He informed me that I needed to complete the form and have surgery. I asked "What kind of surgery?" He answered "The surgery." Of course I asked a follow up question. "What kind of surgery? There are many surgeries a person can have that is transgender. Which one are you referring to?" He sounded frustrated with me and answered again a bit louder "THE surgery! Do you want the form mailed to you or not?" "No, I was just wondering about it."
Well in 2009 I had found a surgeon and a credit account I could use for surgery and decided to have chest surgery. I set my date for the end of December. I work at a University and it would be a great time to be off and healing. So in December I called the person at the state again and asked to have the forms mailed. I filled them out as soon as they arrived. When I met my surgeon one of the questions I asked if he would write a letter for me to support my gender marker change. Dr. B. was happy to do this and would like me to write a sample letter to make sure it gets everything I need in it.
So during that last week of December I had the surgery. If you have small breasts the surgery is less invasive. That surgery is referred as the "Keyhole." They make small openings to take the breast tissue out.
Since I was "blessed" with larger breasts I had to have the double incision bilateral mastectomy. Which for me meant two large cuts under my breast, a cut up the middle to the nipple (so that he could make the areola smaller.) They take out all the breast tissue and some fatty tissue and fix areola, pull your chest up so that it looks more like that of a male (accurate placement.) Sometimes to work on the areola they most take your nipples off and graph them back on. My surgeon did not do that instead he used a different method.
All of that is a day surgery procedure! You leave with bandages and wraps on your chest and drainage tubes on both sides. The tubes are rather gross, but necessary for healing. I remember one instance when we were discussing if we should take the last tube out since the output was so minimal but still significant. He said "We could take it out and if you retain fluid we would have to put the tube back in. It is easier to leave it in vs. putting the tube back in." I thought about that for a second and said let's leave it in!!!!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
So when did you know??
Many people ask the question "When did you know you were ..." When did you know you were gay or transgender etc... You never hear straight people ask each other that question. That is privilege!
I did not know that I was transgender as a child I did know that I was "different" and that something was missing. I also grew up in a time that people rarely if at all spoke about gay or lesbian people. So even if I would have "know" I did not have the language or the knowledge. Looking back I can see that I struggled but did not know what it all meant.
I fell in love with my partner in college. I had never been in a same sex relationship before and it was a struggle to come to terms with. It went against what people in the Catholic Church said. However, it was our Catholic beliefs that brought us together. What we had was so beautiful and loving. Neither one of us embraced the identity of lesbian very well at first. It was not until I returned to graduate school that I fully embraced this identity.
The feeling of different stayed with me and I would explain it as a hole that I could not fill. Without it full I was never complete and I would need to continue to search. I did not know I was transgender until my mid 30's.
Most LGBTQQAA people know that they are different at a young age. We all eventually feel emotions towards others. For some it is in elementary school. Others in middle or high school. And others may not feel that until college or adulthood or old age. We are all different! We are not really that different from you!
So think to yourself. When did you know ...? Learn your story and share it with others!
I did not know that I was transgender as a child I did know that I was "different" and that something was missing. I also grew up in a time that people rarely if at all spoke about gay or lesbian people. So even if I would have "know" I did not have the language or the knowledge. Looking back I can see that I struggled but did not know what it all meant.
I fell in love with my partner in college. I had never been in a same sex relationship before and it was a struggle to come to terms with. It went against what people in the Catholic Church said. However, it was our Catholic beliefs that brought us together. What we had was so beautiful and loving. Neither one of us embraced the identity of lesbian very well at first. It was not until I returned to graduate school that I fully embraced this identity.
The feeling of different stayed with me and I would explain it as a hole that I could not fill. Without it full I was never complete and I would need to continue to search. I did not know I was transgender until my mid 30's.
Most LGBTQQAA people know that they are different at a young age. We all eventually feel emotions towards others. For some it is in elementary school. Others in middle or high school. And others may not feel that until college or adulthood or old age. We are all different! We are not really that different from you!
So think to yourself. When did you know ...? Learn your story and share it with others!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
How it all began
I never felt complete or whole. In fact I often felt like I had a very large hole inside that I could not figure out what belonged in it. I used alcohol, cutting, food, masturbation etc, etc, etc, Nothing helped. I did therapy and worked on a lot of shit which helped me in so many ways but in the end i was still empty
The first time I heard gender queer I was interested. Was that me? The name and the identity fit for awhile but like everything else in the end i was still empty. My research had me read the book Becoming a Visible Man and I felt the need to explore my gender identity and expression.
If you have never struggled with your gender identity/expression you will never understand what it is like to not be congruent all of your life and to spend so much time and energy searching for the real you! This process is difficult but has helped me become whole!
The first time I heard gender queer I was interested. Was that me? The name and the identity fit for awhile but like everything else in the end i was still empty. My research had me read the book Becoming a Visible Man and I felt the need to explore my gender identity and expression.
If you have never struggled with your gender identity/expression you will never understand what it is like to not be congruent all of your life and to spend so much time and energy searching for the real you! This process is difficult but has helped me become whole!
Legally changing my gender!
In the state of WI you must have "surgery" before you can legally change your gender marker. So I called the Office of Vital Records and talked to Hal and asked him "what kind of surgery do you need" His answer "the surgery." I responded with "which one?" His answer "The Surgery!" I of course had to say "do you know how many types of surgery a person could have? Which one are you talking about?" His answer "DO YOU WANT ME TO MAIL THE FORM OR NOT?" I said "no thanks."
Well, just a couple of years later and here I am again and this time I did want the form mailed. I have had chest surgery and I am ready to complete the form and get a new birth certificate. I will have the old birth certificate impounded so that it can not be accessed.
It's a boy!!!!!
Well, just a couple of years later and here I am again and this time I did want the form mailed. I have had chest surgery and I am ready to complete the form and get a new birth certificate. I will have the old birth certificate impounded so that it can not be accessed.
It's a boy!!!!!
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