So when did you know??

Many people ask the question "When did you know you were ..." When did you know you were gay or transgender etc... You never hear straight people ask each other that question. That is privilege!

I did not know that I was transgender as a child I did know that I was "different" and that something was missing. I also grew up in a time that people rarely if at all spoke about gay or lesbian people. So even if I would have "know" I did not have the language or the knowledge. Looking back I can see that I struggled but did not know what it all meant.

I fell in love with my partner in college. I had never been in a same sex relationship before and it was a struggle to come to terms with. It went against what people in the Catholic Church said. However, it was our Catholic beliefs that brought us together. What we had was so beautiful and loving. Neither one of us embraced the identity of lesbian very well at first. It was not until I returned to graduate school that I fully embraced this identity.

The feeling of different stayed with me and I would explain it as a hole that I could not fill. Without it full I was never complete and I would need to continue to search. I did not know I was transgender until my mid 30's.

Most LGBTQQAA people know that they are different at a young age. We all eventually feel emotions towards others. For some it is in elementary school. Others in middle or high school. And others may not feel that until college or adulthood or old age. We are all different! We are not really that different from you!

So think to yourself. When did you know ...? Learn your story and share it with others!

How it all began

I never felt complete or whole. In fact I often felt like I had a very large hole inside that I could not figure out what belonged in it. I used alcohol, cutting, food, masturbation etc, etc, etc, Nothing helped. I did therapy and worked on a lot of shit which helped me in so many ways but in the end i was still empty

The first time I heard gender queer I was interested. Was that me? The name and the identity fit for awhile but like everything else in the end i was still empty. My research had me read the book Becoming a Visible Man and I felt the need to explore my gender identity and expression.

If you have never struggled with your gender identity/expression you will never understand what it is like to not be congruent all of your life and to spend so much time and energy searching for the real you! This process is difficult but has helped me become whole!

Legally changing my gender!

In the state of WI you must have "surgery" before you can legally change your gender marker. So I called the Office of Vital Records and talked to Hal and asked him "what kind of surgery do you need" His answer "the surgery." I responded with "which one?" His answer "The Surgery!" I of course had to say "do you know how many types of surgery a person could have? Which one are you talking about?" His answer "DO YOU WANT ME TO MAIL THE FORM OR NOT?" I said "no thanks."

Well, just a couple of years later and here I am again and this time I did want the form mailed. I have had chest surgery and I am ready to complete the form and get a new birth certificate. I will have the old birth certificate impounded so that it can not be accessed.

It's a boy!!!!!